In previous blog posts, I provided an overview of how to use the 5 Reiki principles to add balance and peace to our lives, as well as an in-depth discussion of how we can do so with the first Reiki principle. This week, we’re looking at the second principle.

The most widely used translation of this principle that I have seen is “Just for today, I will not be angry.” Do I believe that simply repeating this principle will prevent me from getting angry? No.

I also don’t believe that anger is a bad thing. Anger can teach us many things if we let it. For example, if we pay attention to why we become angry, we can learn a lot about ourselves. We can learn where we are lacking strong boundaries, where we can stand to improve ourselves, in what ways we can forgive others, and much more besides.

As I have mentioned previously, I find that I have the best results in my life when I use positive language, so I change the wording of this principle to “Just for today, I let go of anger.” In this way, I am reminded to examine my anger for its lessons, as well as to examine my behavior—that is, my response to my own anger—and to change the way I behave if that behavior is inappropriate to the situation.

Break the Anger-Reaction Cycle

Often, we react to anger by yelling at or being snide with ourselves or others, or by stuffing the anger down deep inside ourselves because we have been taught that we are not allowed to express our anger. Less often, we react with physical violence, striking out at ourselves or others. None of these options is usually productive or helps us feel any better. Quite often, such behaviors can actually leave us feeling remorseful and stuck in a situation that we may not actually be able to repair.

 

As with the other Reiki principles, I am more likely to recall this one when I find myself becoming angry because I repeat it both soon after waking up each morning and just before falling asleep at night. Recalling the principle both shifts my focus from the anger, which keeps the anger from building upon itself, and reminds me that I can let go of the anger. I may not have time in the moment to analyze the situation and learn why I became angry, but because the anger-building process has halted, I am able to take a deep breath and choose how to respond to the situation that has spurred my anger, rather than simply react automatically to the anger. Then I can take some time to figure out why I was triggered.

Respond, Rather than React

For example, near the end of the day, when it is time for my kids to pick up their toys and otherwise clean up the messes they have made in the house, I may find myself angry when they get distracted and stop cleaning. When I notice my temper rising and feel a yell surging up from my chest, I can remember this Reiki principle and stop myself from reacting to the anger and yelling at my children, potentially shaming them (which might then lead to their own angry responses).

Instead, I can mentally say, “Just for today, I let go of anger,” and then take a deep breath, feeling my chest relax and my blood pressure drop. At that point, I can respond to the situation—rather than react to my anger—by calmly getting my children’s attention and reminding them of the consequences of their actions: The longer they take to clean up, the less time they’ll have to play in the bath, or the later they’ll get to sit down to dinner.

Once my kids have resumed cleaning, I can look at my initial angry reaction and decide if I need to address it more deeply. For example, if I realize that my anger came about because it’s the end of the day and I’m very tired, I might decide to go to bed earlier that night to get some much-needed rest. If I determine that my anger arose because I feel indignant about cleaning up any mess that remains when my kids stop short, I can create a plan for next time—for ensuring that I check their cleanup job carefully and keep them going until everything is cleaned to my satisfaction, rather than simply taking their word that they have cleaned everything. (After all, how will they know what level of cleanup is acceptable unless they are taught?)

Learn from Your Anger

Now, does repeating this principle every morning and evening mean that I always manage to stop my angry reaction and replace it with a reasoned situational response? No, of course not, because I’m only human and haven’t yet achieved Buddha-hood. But it does help me, after I’ve reacted angrily, to examine my anger—letting myself feel it instead of quash it—and learn from it, which leads to me being less likely to react angrily in a similar situation in the future.

If you are a parent, I’m sure you’re all too aware of how easy it is to yell at your children when you’ve had a bad day. This is because they are basically powerless to do anything about our yelling except stand in the face of it or run away—or maybe get angry themselves. Some people also take out their ire on subordinates at work or on service workers, because they feel these other people have little or no means of retaliation. Similar things happen with road rage and in internet comment boards, where anonymity sometimes allows us to feel “safer” venting our anger.

If we think of this Reiki principle when we find ourselves venting our frustration on those who are less powerful than us, we can ask ourselves what is behind the anger, as well as why we feel it is okay to vent our spleen on others who have nothing to do with the anger. In understanding the reason for the anger, as well as for our behavior, we can thank the anger for making us aware of our triggers—so we can be less likely to be triggered by this in the future—and then let it go.

Let It Go

Only when we use anger as a tool can we let it go. If we react to our anger, we often find ourselves finding more reasons to become angry, and we keep building up a head of steam, making it larger and larger until it explodes into yelling or violence. Then we may feel shame about our behavior, and shame often leads to more anger—if not in the moment, then later, when we find ourselves in settings similar to the one that triggered our initial anger.

The same thing usually happens if we simply stuff our anger down inside of ourselves instead of allowing ourselves to feel it and examine it: That container gets more and more full of anger until the top pops off and our anger erupts. Or we feel more and more shame that we aren’t better able to “control” our anger, and our shame leads to all sorts of unhealthy behaviors (refer to the work of Brené Brown) or even manifests as ill health in the body.

But anger, like all emotions, cannot be controlled. It can only be felt and then learned from—or not—so it’s best to

• • • First, de-escalate your angry reaction;
    • Then choose a measured, reasonable response;
    • Later, in a safe, low-risk situation, allow yourself to feel the anger;
    • Examine the lessons that can be learned from the anger and your initial reaction to it; and
    • Finally, bless it and let it go.

 

And if you weren’t able to de-escalate your anger and instead reacted with violence in either word or deed, you can still take the time to examine the anger and your behavior, and learn from it. Bless the anger for the lesson, and do your best to forgive yourself, knowing that by learning this lesson, you will do better next time.

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