This post is the ninth in a series that shares my Divine team talks (conversations with and insights from my Divine team) since March 2020. (In case you missed it, you can find the first here.)
11 May 2020
Past-life reading continued. Position 5, the Saturn position, “represents reality and the limitations that have recently been placed on you. This card choice brings with it a sense of oppression, but also of breaking free from past restrictions. This position signifies karma both past and present.”[1]
[The meaning of the card] in that position:
A period of self-improvement. You are now formulating a meaningful direction for the rest of your life. [Yes, since Thursday or Friday, actually creating long-term plans & goals again.] Things are getting serious. It’s important that you define your beliefs, but do not become fixed in your opinions. You may feel as if you should work harder or surrender yourself for the good of the tribe or group. [According to Adam in last week’s reading, working hard is OK, but I should take care of myself and not self-sacrifice.][2]
13 May 2020
The final position in the past-life mandala is the Pluto position, which “reveals your deepest impulses. … This placement … represents the darkness that exists just before the dawn. In this respect, the Pluto placement, more than any other, reveals what your next phase of development will be.”
[Meaning of the card] in the Pluto position:
Past insecurities may compel you to try to control the behavior or interactions of others. It’s difficult to let go of the control over yourself … because you fear that things may “go to hell in a hand basket.” Although you appear outwardly peaceful and are somewhat of a loner, you want to be in command. Life seems safer to you that way. You have great charisma and leadership potential. You quietly dominate any situation with your inherent mesmerizing power. Muster the courage and allow life to flow outward without making a fist.
15 May 2020
I’m wondering, doubting a bit, if I will be able to do all I want. I have been able to exercise every day this week, do my [Miracle Morning] and YoSaL and apply for work, but then only 3 or 4 (at most) hours of “paying work.” I haven’t been able to reply to Messenger messages or check Facebook for days,[3] so I worry about being able to effectively build [a team/business] in MDC.
I don’t want to give up on MDC—at least not yet—but right now, I’m not sure how I’ll keep up with it while also fulfilling the other obligations I’ve set myself while caring properly for myself (getting the rest, food, and exercise I need). Especially if I find more work to supplement (and eventually replace) [publishing client]. But this is the plan that seemed best to me last Friday, when I was clear-headed, so I will follow it to the best of my abilities and will adapt it as necessary until another path opens.
***
The theme of these entries to me was all about finding the proper balance of self-care and of putting forth effort toward working to “make things happen.” As so many others were, my spouse and I were trying to increase our income; we had been trying for years even before the pandemic, and the message my guides had been giving to me was one of trust and of not trying so hard—essentially because I was burning out. But I hadn’t heeded that message well.
With the pandemic and so may other people facing the same situation, I started to see things differently. Now there was even more “competition” for attention and money than before, and I realized even more the importance of chance and “luck” that would be required to make the kinds of gains we wanted to make. And that realization caused me, oddly enough, to soften my stance; I didn’t give in to fatalism, thinking it was impossible to move “forward,” but saw better than ever before—or at least in a long time—how the fates of all people are interwoven. Of course, none of those realizations were fully formed in my conscious mind yet, but at this point, the desire and urge to struggle receded within me.
Notes
[1] From The Phoenix Cards by Susan Sheppard (1990).
[2] The next page was an undated entry and contained two new or revised affirmations: (1) It is my intention that I experience a harmonious lifestyle. It is my intention to experience health and energy that lead me to creative adventures. It is my intention that I be well provided for, that shelter and food and all of the things I need to experience life be given to me in great abundance, and that I pass this great abundance on and share it with others. (2) I intend to eat only foods that nourish my body and soul.
[3] My journal entries don’t indicate why this is the case, but I seem to remember this was either because I was still low on energy and generally feeling unwell, as I had been for weeks (more on this in the next Divine Team Talk) or because my spouse had just gone back to work, leaving me home alone with both of our children, which included me helping my daughter with her distance learning. And on top of all that, I was trying to maintain my own mental and physical well-being, so interacting on social media was a no-go because there was a lot of fear, negativity, and divisiveness—lots of arguing about COVID, mask wearing (or not), social distancing (or not), high tensions about race, and so on. Given that I’m an empath, taking care of myself requires frequent and regular stepping away from other people’s energies even in the best of times—and this was far from the best of times on social media. (Later journal entries will discuss this in greater detail.)
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