Life is hard. It sometimes feels like we’re under attack at every angle: from coworkers, from people who call themselves our friends, from corporations, from the government, from microorganisms (COVID-19, anyone?). We’re inundated with stories about the negative, on social media and from the news media, and from all sorts of people telling us that X is “fake” news but Y is “real” news. It’s hard to tell who to trust, what to think. How do we stay calm in a world that’s full of chaos and surrounded by humanity, which seems always on the brink of destroying itself?

I’d love to say I have the answers, but I don’t. Over the past couple of weeks, however, I have been talking a lot with my guides, and they’ve been helping me to better understand my purpose in life. I’ve always considered myself a generalist, knowing a little bit about a lot of things—and therefore not able to help people with specific answers or specific guidance. But my guides have helped me see that being a generalist is a specialty. In other words, I’m sort of like a reference librarian, helping people find the answers and resources they need when they are ready to make changes in their lives, and then acting as a sort of an energetic midwife, holding sacred space to help those people navigate through their transitions.

When I replied to my guides by saying that I don’t quite understand how all the pieces of who I am and what I do fit together, they told me that I “hold space for humanity to uplevel. During turbulent times, [people] turn against one another, but you hold calm space for them. Do not underestimate the importance of that. You fulfill it in every moment that you remain calm and assured that all [that] is happening is ultimately for humanity’s highest good.”

Is it easy to remain calm in the chaos? Hell no.

Do I stay calm all the time? Hahahaha! No.

But when I hold room, without judgment, for others to freak out, to cry, to panic, to fall apart, I am humbled at seeing these deep emotions that we share—our shared humanity. When I pull myself out of focusing on my own worries and fears, and instead hold space (like a big energetic hug) for others, I see the beauty. I see that we are connected on many levels. I can forgive others their hurtful comments and actions.[1] I see others through a lens of love and compassion, trying to emulate Jesus, the Buddha, Kwan Yin, and bodhisattvas throughout history.

How do I do this? How can you do this?

Start by holding sacred space for yourself. When you start to feel overwhelmed, full of fear, or stressed to the max, allow it, but with intention. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and give yourself permission to freak out for just a few minutes. (If you’d like, ask your guides, angels, or God to help you with this.) But make clear to yourself that you have only so long—say perhaps 5 minutes—to fall apart and that once that time is over, you have to do something to help remedy that overwhelm, fear, or stress. Do not judge yourself for your feelings or for falling apart—simply allow it, for only that time. If it helps, set a timer so you can give in fully to your feelings without worrying about if you’re spending too much time.

Do what you must. Cry, scream, howl, curse, or gently weep. Or let your biggest, deepest, darkest fears play out in your mind in crazy-specific detail.

But do it only in the allotted time.

In this way, you are extending compassion to yourself. You are extending understanding to yourself. You are holding sacred space for yourself, recognizing your humanity as something that is neither good nor bad but simply is.

Then, when the allotted time is over, take a huge cleansing breath (preferably of fresh outdoor air) and release it (preferably outside), visualizing all of your fear, frustration, or overwhelm leaving you with the breath, to be recycled by the elements: sun, air, soil, and water.

Give yourself a hug, as if you are holding a crying child—firm and loving, but gentle and not too constricting.

Take time to compose yourself, to put the pieces back together. If you’ve been crying, dry your face and wipe your nose. If you’ve been screaming, take a drink to soothe your throat.

Thank yourself—and your guides/angels/God if you asked for help—for being a nonjudgmental witness.

Take a few deep breaths to determine your next course of action.

Set your intent to fulfill that course of action.

And take one calm, focused step toward resolving the issue you have been fearful of, overwhelmed by, or stressed by. If hatred has been getting you down, go out and spread some love. If you’re terrified of losing what little money you have, start learning how to keep and then grow your money. If you’re terrified about the latest possible pandemic, wash your hands, carry hand sanitizer with you, and practice whatever special hygiene is recommended for prevention of the illness. Empower yourself.

This is how you regain your center. And by doing so, you help others regain their center.

***

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[1] This is not the same as forgetting, and we must learn from such instances if we don’t want to continue to experience such things again and again.