In 2009, I finally became pregnant after years of trying. Before I ever took a pregnancy test, I learned that I was pregnant because I drew a card or stone from every oracle I owned…and they all mentioned children or motherhood. With the gift of hindsight, however, I see that they were giving me warning about the not-so-wonderful things to come, as well. This week’s post takes a step back from the action and talks about those messages.

You can watch my YouTube video (link below) or read chapter 6 below.

 

6. Preparation

The voice of spirit, the highest source, or God, speaks many languages and wears many robes. What would be the point of speaking only one language, for the faces of earth are many, and all are welcome. We offer you a choice of robes, a language to your liking, for any feather will do.

—Jeri L. Glatter, Lessons from the Trumpet Vine

 

I mentioned previously that I became pregnant in 2009, and our struggles to deal with it. Here, I want to step back just a little to share with you, to show you how I became aware I was pregnant, because it comes into play later. Months and years later, I would go back and see—as I now so often do—that although the information given to me was applicable to my immediate situation, it was also preparing me for the future.

On July 8, 2009, I had the urge to consult the oracle—not just one, but all of them I owned. I had no specific question, just let the Universe tell me what it thought I should know. I drew/selected one card or stone from each oracle, and every oracle referred to a child or motherhood in some way.

Spirit of the Wheel Meditation Deck

31—Purity—Spirit Path of the North
Inner child
Innocence
Freedom

…

 

The Lakota Sweat Lodge Cards

25—Mahpia—Cloud
Compulsions/Addictions

“I am cold and distant … I am loose and unformed … a vehicle of others’ ways. … I wish for you, as for myself, wholeness. You may see a cloud when you look upon me, but know that I am only a servant, without direction.”

(I’ve been asking for things to go my way, to do things for me. But I’ve promised—many times—my life to Spirit, to its will, to be an instrument of good and of healing. …)

It is time to learn from your addictions, to begin to resolve dissolute habits … to realize the true dimensions of your personal power. Compulsions and addictions cast a dark shadow over life, blocking your view of your soul’s purpose, clouding your focus, and closing in your perspective.

I have since come to learn that compulsions and addictions also include thought forms and habits.

(Also speaking to me was 44—Maka—Earth (Nurturing): “I am of the four sustainers, gifts of your Mother to you that you may have life upon her body. I give you clear teaching of the way of love: Look to me, the earth, the soil. Consider of what I am made. Consider how it is that I renew myself, how it is that I bring forth new life. I live in a continual cycle of giving and receiving. My way of being, always, is the circle of love.”)

Looking at this from 2018, I understand this was speaking to me on multiple levels. The child growing inside me was the renewal of life, but then the process triggered by the loss of that life began a larger renewal, a new life, in me. So simultaneously, I had the new life of the baby growing and my new life approaching; the birth of my baby was not to be, but my own rebirth was.

Sunstone Runes

23—Isa—Standstill

May feel powerless to do anything except submit, surrender, even sacrifice some long-cherished desire. Be patient, for this is the period of gestation that precedes a rebirth.

As above, this signaled gestation of the child inside of me, and also of my own rebirth.

May be experiencing an unaccustomed drain on your energy and wonder why.

Submit and be still, for what you are experiencing … arises from conditions about which you can do nothing. This is the way of Heaven and Earth. To surrender is to display courage and wisdom.

Remain mindful that the seed of the new is present in the shell of the old. … Trust your own process, and watch for signs of spring.

Again, the seed of the new indicates the baby, as well as what would become my new self. “Trusting my own process” referred to my healing, I believe, as I largely “felt my way” through that, constantly following my own intuition to what would heal me physically, mentally, and emotionally.

The Gilded Tarot

Ten of Wands

Ace of Cups—Beginning of a Journey—trust feelings

 

The readings from all the cards and runes would prove over the next few months to reawaken me to my intuitive powers. Through my life, I had stayed mostly in touch with my intuition, but in the couple of years leading to this, I had somehow distanced myself from them a bit. I still had faith, but it was waning, which I wouldn’t realize until I was several months into my shadow phase. I had learned to doubt that inner voice, so sometimes I trusted it, but more often than not, I doubted that I could have any such skill or power. I believed in God, but not that I was special enough for any such power. This, as it turns out, was one barrier that had to be torn down. We’ll follow this evolution in my journal entries. We’ll see that sometimes I absolutely trusted the messages I got—when I knew they weren’t from me (as with oracles). But so often, if I thought they could be from me [my ego]…well… that’s when I doubted. I doubted not the messages, but myself. And if I doubted myself, then I doubted the message, because how could I know such a thing? Even though from a young age, I just knew things, I always just assumed that I had read it somewhere or heard it somewhere, as I was always reading and watching TV and movies. As I mentioned earlier, in retrospect when I read the oracular notes, I see that they were not only alluding to the pregnancy but also to what would be coming after. Perhaps that all makes sense because hindsight is 20/20, and perhaps it’s because that’s how I now see it, the meaning I give it. It doesn’t matter which is true (or both), so long as I see it that way.

It after all of the oracles pointing to children and motherhood that I decided to take another at-home pregnancy test. Over the course of July and August 2009, I reveled in my body’s changes, though I began spotting only ten days after I learned of my pregnancy.

***

Thank you for allowing me to share this part of my journey with you. Please let me know what you think so far and if you want to hear/read more of my story.

 

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