In previous blog posts, I have provided an overview of how to use the 5 Reiki principles to add balance and peace to our lives, as well as in-depth discussions of how we can do so with the first, second, third, and fourth Reiki principles. We’re looking at the fifth and final principle this week.

As with the other principles, I change this one from the usual wording (“Just for today, I will be kind to my neighbor and to every living thing.”) to the present tense: “Just for today, I am kind to my neighbor and to every living thing.”

On the surface, this principle, like the fourth, seems fairly straightforward—after all, it’s a reminder to be kind to everyone. Some people may find it tricky to be kind to nonhumans (every living thing encompasses animals and plants, too—even the ones that aren’t so cute) or to people they don’t like or who aren’t kind to them.

My own experience is that I have difficulties in two main areas.

First, I sometimes struggle with being kind to those around me, especially when my ire is raised. (Remember principle 2?) It is one thing to let go of your anger in the moment, but it can sometimes be another thing entirely to let go of the effects of that anger. Without meaning to, I may be short with others around me, even if they had nothing to do with my original anger. This shortness often is a result of a low-level irritability, like my nerves are still jangled, though I have let go of the anger. I think this is related to the adrenaline and blood pressure rises that occur in response to the anger (though honestly, I am not familiar in detail with all the physiological effects of raised anger on the body).

And of course, anger is not the only emotion that can cause us to be unkind. Worry and sadness can also cause us to behave unkindly. Particularly if we are preoccupied with our own thoughts, we can be unkind without even being aware of it.

The second aspect I have found especially tricky in following this principle, however, is being kind to one person in particular: myself.

Some people are their own harshest critics, and I definitely fall into this category. When I have a really good idea, I can quickly think of half a dozen criticisms of the idea. I tell myself no one wants to hear what I have to say, that I can’t help anyone.

My inner critic can get especially loud if someone else has offered criticism—constructive or not, and kind or not—or after an uncomfortable social encounter, as I experienced on the first day of the new year. (For those of you who follow me on Facebook and offered helpful words about my kindness and integrity, thank you again.) This critic also gets loud with certain hormonal changes or sleep difficulties. As such, she tends to walk side-by-side with the worry and anger addressed by the first and second principles—and she certainly is neither kind nor constructive with her criticisms.

So, what do I do when I find myself being unkind to anyone—myself included?

I step away as far as I can, physically.

I take a deep breath and remind myself of this principle.

As soon as I think it will help the situation (it doesn’t always), I apologize as soon as possible for my unkindness, at least with words and also with actions if I can.

I do anything I can to remedy the effects of my unkindness.

Then, once that more immediate task is done, I ask myself about my motivation to be unkind. This may be obvious, or it may require deep examination and work to find. For example, on the more obvious side, perhaps I snapped at someone because I had become so involved with a task that I forgot to eat lunch.

If I cannot quickly find the reason for my unkind behavior, I may take one of several paths:

• • • If my mind is spinning and I am stuck thinking about the incident, I might journal, freewriting to let everything flow out of me.
    • If I am calm but am confused about my motivation, I may meditate, to allow mental and emotional space for the answer to come to me.
    • I may also seek advice from others, who may have a clearer view of the situation, especially if they were witness to the encounter.

 

I may take all of these paths in turn, and some of them more than once.

Once I have an answer to the reason for my unkindness, I can figure out how to behave differently in the future to prevent further unkindness.

Of course, more complex causes may require more planning and effort. If you discovered that you made an unkind comment to a coworker about how his grabbing another donut might not have been wise, given his girth, you may remember that in your childhood, your mother watched your eating habits like a hawk and nagged you about eating second helpings. Although your mother may have thought her comments and behavior were coming from a place of love, they also impressed upon you a certain fear, which can lead to judgment of ourselves and others, and thus to unkindness.

Perhaps you will need to heal that fear in yourself or to forgive yourself for doing what your mother told you not to—after all, you were really hungry. Or perhaps you will simply decide to be more mindful of your judgments moving forward and will choose to not say anything to anyone else about their eating habits or weight if it’s none of your business. After all, there will always be something we can judge, but it is far more effective—and rewarding—to work on resolving our own issues so we are less likely to judge and more likely to be kind.

Remember, kindness spreads just as quickly as judgment, but it’s a lot harder to be kind than to judge.

Ultimately, whatever you learn about yourself, try to take steps to improve yourself and your behavior … and remember to be kind to yourself while you’re at it!

 

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